“I do”


I spent the weekend in NYC at my cousin’s wedding and while listening to the speeches at the party and the rabbi speak during the service, I thought, “hmmmm – that sounds exactly how I feel when I’m going through the interview process and decide I want to commit myself full time to a business”. Some of you may read that and think, “she’s nuts!” and certainly I’m not one to argue your opinion; but if you break it down as I will below, you’ll see the similarities. Granted, there will still be those of you who think I’m crazy – but in response I would preface with perhaps you’re mistaking “crazy” for “passion”.

So let’s break down a wedding speech. They typically start with the story of how the two have met; and how “they just knew” or “there was chemistry right away”. Any job I have taken, there has been a definitive chemistry felt during the interview process. I only work with / for people who “get it”, “get me”, and vice versa. If a common bond or understanding is not developed with at least one of the Executives in the interview process, I do not continue. This works for ME because I’m a quick rapport builder; if you know yourself and know how quickly you connect with people, use that as a ‘judge’, but in my experience if there is no connection – the job will likely not be for you.

The speeches then talk about “how the relationship has grown” and at my cousin’s wedding, they talked about their relationship growing because “they had the same values; family was of the utmost importance.” Similarly, when you are attempting to build business relationships, especially with your internal team or attempting to evaluate whether a company is the right fit for you, having similar values is important. If, for example, your top priority is ‘family’ and you are in a company culture that does not value family; there is likely going to be a rift at some point. If you value your religion and your company Executives are all agnostic or atheist, it is probably going to cause a problem if you are the one person who wants to take off for every holiday. Values are a hard thing to find out about as the topic can be one that is not “HR Friendly”, but you can usually develop an understanding of the company’s values by reading their mission statements, by asking open ended questions about how the company reacts when put in certain situations, and even by external clues like looking at what’s on the wall in someone’s office. If an Executive has 3 diplomas and all pictures of his family, he probably values education and family; ask about the diplomas and the pictures. Here is where you need to ‘dig’.

The speeches typically end with “how they got engaged” or “how he knew she was ‘the one'” and they tell the story of their engagement. If the couple is ecstatic and happy, you can see it when they tell the story – they are teary, emotional, animated, uncaring if they look ‘cool’ or not, and they have an unmatched excitement that even makes you a bit jealous. When you are given that job offer from the “one” or the “right company”, you feel the same way. Well, at least I do – unbridled emotion and excitement.

You can even take it one step further to the wedding vows. While you certainly can’t use ALL language, anyone who has built a business from scratch with other founders can likely attest to, “In sickness and in health” (work ALL the time), “good times and in bad” (usually there are more bad than good when starting a business), “support your goals” (company vision – enough said), “honor and respect”….I could go on and on.

So, if you are a crazy passionate business person; perhaps you can see the similarities above. Or, of course, it is possible that I’m just crazy, but in the words of Jack Kerouac, ““The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

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  1. February 8, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    I guess that puts myself at the brink of getting married to Enspiral – what a thought!

    Although it’s darned nice to know I’ve found a company I want to go through all of the roller coaster with because I believe in the mission deeply.

    Cheers for the insight as always!

    • February 10, 2011 at 11:48 pm

      Cheers for the response as always ( ; I don’t know why I don’t get the Enspiral blog posts??? And yes – if you feel like you’re about to marry enspiral – likelihood is you’re doing everything right ( ;

  2. February 8, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Here is something that has happened to me in interviews over the years, and I wonder if it’s been your experience too. Because I am outgoing as you are, and because I often click with people quickly, I have sometimes been able to convince myself that the chemistry with an employer was great because I was able to create the rapport by myself. It’s kind of like falling in love with yourself, where you’re enjoying yourself so much that you don’t realize that the other person is not the one you love. It used to happen for me in dating too, by the way. And at times I took the wrong job because of this (but fortunately not the wrong husband 🙂

  3. February 9, 2011 at 7:55 am

    No sure where to put this, so I will post it to the latest thread, but I stumbled across an OUTSTANDING book that resonates very much with the philosophy of many people in this group.

    It is Jennifer Prosek’s “Army of Entrepreneurs” and I believe it is a MUST READ for everyone who considers themselves to be an entrepreneur or wants to become one. http://www.amazon.com/Army-Entrepreneurs-Empowered-Workforce-Exceptional/

    Enjoy!!!

    Dr. PDG, Jakarta, Indonesia
    http://www.build-project-management-competency.com

    • February 10, 2011 at 11:49 pm

      Thanks doc! I went to the link but it didn’t work??? I’m going to search for it. When you coming back to the US? Ever?

  4. February 10, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    I am glad I found your website on reddit. It’s good to see such information being shared.

  5. February 12, 2011 at 8:22 am

    This is like my third time finding your homepage. I always love the content and the way you write. Very smooth and instructive at the same time.

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